I have been working part time as a cleaner now for about a month. I've already saved 600 euro, and have a goal of 6,000 euro in mind. I have lie ins 4 out of 5 days, and I'm sleeping pretty well. So, what has made all of this possible? Well, I'm back in Peter's Place. I am still in the homeless system though...which means things are still quite strenuous. I may be cleaning people's houses during the day, however upon returning back to 'the room' (I can't call it a home) my
own bedsit is a mess. I am greeted with a blaring 'Hi! Key card?' at the door, and there is a very strong sense of ones privacy being encroached. I shall be discussing the good and the bad that comes along with being back in Peter's Place STA in this blog post.
I finally got this six month bed after spending eight months trawling the streets of Dublin, and after all that, I end up back in Peter's Place. They kicked me out for eight months for misbehaving, only to take me back in a few months later. Just to clarify, I was kicked out for throwing a bottle of water at someone who had been threatening me, and using abusive language towards me for weeks. Had I been living with him in private accommodation, I would have knocked him out. I can't even repeat the things he said to me...as it was so vile. One thing is for sure though, anyone with any amount of self respect would have done the same thing (if not a lot worse), and
I was the one who got the boot? I think they knew they over reacted, and decided to take me back (after shamelessly traumatizing and humiliating me for 8 months). If you think about it, 8 months is the equivalent to one academic year. In fact, it's been over a year since I first moved into Peter's Place.
 |
My scoliosis has gotten significantly worse after carrying a bag on my back every day for so long
|
I briefly described what I had to endure in my previous blog post. Looking back now, I still can't believe I went through that. Carrying a heavy bag around on my back every day for that length of time severely worsened my scoliosis and posture. I now suffer from constant back ache and strain, not to mention the absolute state of my posture. I find it very difficult to sleep, as waking up at 7am seven days a week really takes it's toll on ones sleep cycle.
I still get panic attacks walking around town, as I associate it with all that trauma. I still bump into the drug addicts who would stalk me and shout at me while I was sitting on street corners, looking like a fucking street walker (yes, I cursed...but it's my blog, and I'll write what I like!). Just today, I was buying a packet of sanitary towels, and one of the ghosts of homeless days past emerged behind my shoulder. He's a Russian guy who verbally attacked me on several occasions because of how 'ugly' he insists I am. He seems to be genuinely offended by how I look, and has absolutely no qualms about letting me know. I'm angry, mainly at my mother
for not even raising an eyebrow. She's an awful person, and didn't even offer me solace on Christmas day. I'll never forgive her for letting me go through that. This entire thing was far too dramatic for my liking. Having somewhere to live is the most basic of human rights...which no one should ever ever be void of (let alone for 2 and a half years!). I feel like the subject of a fucking sop-story Christmas carol! If you want to read about some of my time on the streets, see
my previous blog post.
Anyway! Back to my current situation. I am so very glad all that crap is out of the way! I met so many appalling people in my time on the streets, from rapists and murderers, to American hillbilly xenophobes. I finally have a 24 hour bed where I can come and go as I please, all that is behind me...and it is, to an extent. However, I am still very much in the 'homeless system' which means I am still viewed as disposable to those in authority. I still very much feel patronized by the staff. They feel like they have an automatic reason to look down their noses at me...simply because I am homeless. In their eyes, there is always a criminal reason for my homelessness, and I really feel like I am being treated like a criminal. To them, being homeless and being a danger to society are synonymous. After all, I must be a danger to society for why else would I end up in this situation? There is one particular staff member in here who treats me like absolute dirt, and then denies it
completely when confronted. He perpetually gives me dirty looks, and even straight up shouted 'stop asking me questions!' while I was mid sentence one day. I understand that they are stressed out, and have a lot on their plate, but it doesn't take a lot to take the emotional state of the people living here into consideration. There is a real feeling of walking on eggshells when around the staff. Every one is scared to speak up or defend themselves for fear of being kicked out. The rule is basically three strikes and your out. One can only hope not to be in a room with someone who is going to rile them up. You are basically forced, one way or another, to find a way to deal with some seriously horrendous human beings. There are a few characters (like myself) who have a quiver in their voice, terrified of a zombie who may jump down their throats out of nowhere. It's a disabling feeling, which makes me (and others) feel sick to our stomachs.
The same people who are there to help you with all your problems, are the same who will kick you out on your arse with the drop of a hat, for defending yourself against these pigs.
 |
The flooring in Peter's Place is similar to this (in the rooms)
|
The room itself is pretty dank. Yes, I have my own cooking facilities, but when you're as miserable as I am in here, you don't feel like cooking. The only thing I feel like shoving down my face hole these lonely days are Starbucks and greasy takeaways. I was just discussing the bright orange linoleum floors with a fellow mad-house dweller today. It is absolutely rank and gives the entire room a feeling of weightiness.
I also took the curtains down because they were so disgusting, only to have them replaced with a pair of curtains with a great big blob of white paint on one side. They literally couldn't care less about the mental health of the people living in here. The fan in my toilet has been broken since I arrived, and the place stinks up after a shower, and there is absolutely no sign of it being fixed. The fire alarm was broken on my arrival, and it took them
five weeks to fix it. Apparently my life isn't of much important to these people. The light is also far too bright, and as someone who suffers from ocular migraines, this is not appreciated at all. It is overbearing and sometimes feels like the light of a thousand suns is illuminating the room. The one good thing about this place is that you can come and go 24 hours a day. My room is also at the end of a corridor...on the top floor. This is great, because I do appreciate the peace. However, the entire building is shoddily located on the noisiest street
in the entire world! I have been woken up on more than more occasion by someone just screaming their head off in the middle of the night for absolutely no reason. One of the biggest downfalls is the fact that you can't invite anyone over. I mean, I understand that to a degree...what with the drug use. However, it is pretty obvious the people who are users and who aren't...and it's going to happen anyway...whether its in the room or not. Why am I not allowed invite my granny over for a cup of tea? I get very very lonely, considering I am not allowed to visit my family due to various safety orders they have put against me (mainly caused by their abuse towards me...not visa versa).
Luckily, in the past few months they have introduced something called the 'HAP scheme'. This is something I just wish they had introduced 2 and a half years ago when I first became homeless. It basically means that if you have been homeless for over two months, your rent and deposit will be paid for you by the government, once you find somewhere to live. This is making the move on infinitely faster then before. I am still in the process of looking for somewhere...but once I do...I'll be out of here faster than you can say 'HAP'.
I'll let you all know how I get on!
